Viv

When I saw her picture with her man, it disturbed me. I am disturbed. It's been over 7 years, and she still has an impact on me.

What did I feel when I saw it?

I felt sad. Where is my new love? Where is my happiness?

I guess I just found lots of new questions.

I am I good enough?

It all goes back to my self-esteem. It's low. I am not doing what I'm suppose to do. I am not as good as I ought to be. I need help.

Do I need the help of others?

I do feel better when I can contribute to something. I need to feel needed, because of this need, I know that my problem stems from the inside. Somewhere in my consciousness, I need affirmation because it isn't obvious.

I have always tried to search for success. That's what I want. To be great.

That relationship didn't make me great. It distracted me from being great. I have to make the journey, I shouldn't need another to make me feel good. I have to go on that journey and pursue it myself. Proactive, make decisions, make experiences, make myself better.

Got to try or it'll never happen.

What this rant has to do with my experience today is that: the sight of her with another reminds me of why I need to move on.

Just fucking move on. Stop hating yourself, and stop pitying for yourself.